Loppi

Something interesting about Sweden...

I just got THIS in the mail, to "test it out."

What did i think about it all?

1.  Kids zoo vitamins.  Sure, there is some vitamin C in there, but the main ingredient is sugar, so i wasnt thrilled about them.

2.  Majskrokar.  These are like cheetos, but without any salt, or any flavoring whatsoever.  However, our kids were convinced and devoured these things before you could say "want some chips?"

3.  Folksam barn safety kit.  I would buy this kit for all my friends with little kiddos....pretty practical, small and easy to take along, BUT something like a small one time alvedon would make this kit PERFECT.

4.  Duplo penguin and polar bear.  I guess so few pieces is ideal for a 1 year old, but i was still a bit disappointed that the kit didnt have more creative pieces to make the whole thing more interactive.

5.  Garant applesauce.  These are great to take "to go,"  but somehow i cant get my son to eat them more than just a bite or two, and always have to throw the rest away after a day or two.  Smaller packaging would perhaps be good too?

6.  Little pixi book.  These things are gold.  Great to take along when you have an impatient kid, cute stories, and i have never really been disappointed with one so far.  Good stuff.

Thanks loppi for letting me test this stuff!

Child centered Sweden

Yet another article about all the pros and cons of having a child centered culture here in Sweden.

http://www.thelocal.se/20131028/51040

I find that kids who have boundaries and healthy discipline tend to be much more content and mature than kids who can run free and call all the shots.

Parents, we can do better than this article suggests!

Last week I shared an elevator with a lady (probably the grandma) and two kids.  She suggested they go one place, and they both called her dumb, a burden to have with them, and kind of a waste of time. And she just weakly smiled at me. If you raise your kids with no boundaries, will that really turn them into respectful caring people?


Time will show....

Jäntelagen...a key to "understanding" Swedes?

Jäntelagen, what is that, you might ask?

It kind of goes to the opposite extreme of good old American self confidence.
Instead, don't dare think you are something special, worthwhile, have special skills, etc.

A recent tv show about some Americans coming to find their roots in Sweden has a little language lesson.
"When you ask a Swede how they're doing, they will not reply like the Americans with, "I'm great!"
A Swede will reply with as many self negaters as possible. Nej, ganska bra, faktiskt.  As if they are suprised that they feel ok. That is a classic example of Jantelagen.

I will stop here, but this thought is not over....

(From Wikipedia)

The Law of Jante is the idea that there is a pattern of group behaviour towards individuals within Scandinavian communities that negatively portrays and criticises individual success and achievement as unworthy and inappropriate. The Jante Law as a concept was created by the Dano-Norwegian author Aksel Sandemose, who in his novel A fugitive crosses his tracks (En flyktning krysser sitt spor, 1933, English translation published in the USA in 1936) identified the Law of Jante as ten rules. Sandemose's novel portrays the small Danish town Jante (modelled upon his native town Nykøbing Mors as it was at the beginning of the 20th century, but typical of all small towns and communities), where nobody is anonymous.^[1]

Generally used colloquially as a sociological term to negatively describe an attitude towards individuality and success common in Sweden^[2] and the rest of the Nordic countries, the term refers to a mentality that de-emphasizes individual effort and places all emphasis on the collective, while discouraging those who stand out as achievers.

There are ten rules in the law as defined by Sandemose, all expressive of variations on a single theme and usually referred to as a homogeneous unit: You are not to think you're anyone special or that you're better than us.

The ten rules state:

1. You're not to think you are anything special.
2. You're not to think you are as good as us.
3. You're not to think you are smarter than us.
4. You're not to convince yourself that you are better than us.
5. You're not to think you know more than us.
6. You're not to think you are more important than us.
7. You're not to think you are good at anything.
8. You're not to laugh at us.
9. You're not to think anyone cares about you.
10. You're not to think you can teach us anything.

These ten principles or commandments are often claimed to form the "Jante's Shield" of the Scandinavian people.

In the book, the Janters who transgress this unwritten 'law' are regarded with suspicion and some hostility, as it goes against the town's communal desire to preserve harmony, social stability and uniformity.

An eleventh rule recognized in the novel as 'the penal code of Jante' is:

11. Maybe you don't think I know a few things about you?

Sandemose wrote about the working class in the town of Jante, a group of people of the same social position. He expressedly stated in later books that the social norms of Jante were universal and not intended to depict any particular town or country. Today, however, it is common in Scandinavia to claim the Law of Jante as something quintessentially Danish or Swedish (or slightly less often, Norwegian).

Later, the meaning of The Law of Jante was extended to refer to those who want to break out of their social groups and reach a higher position in society in general.^[3]

In Sweden the 'Law' is often understood as having to do with economic achievement and social hierarchy (close to concepts such as humility and envy), while in Denmark, it may also be used to describe the negative attitude towards people who are culturally or socially standing out from the norm, but not necessarily more successful or higher-ranking.

No förskola is better than parents time and love for a kid...

Sweden has pressure on all parents to get their kids into the "system."  Put them into government child care as soon as possible, dont you know that everyone needs to do their part for this economy to run well?

Once again, here comes an article about how untrue it is...dagis is never a equivalent subsitute for parents time and love.

"Parents think, Its boring at home for my kids......but to peel carrots and be at home with your kid can be the best thing you do for your child."



Heres the latest article.  Well worth the read (in Swedish).
http://op.se/nyheter/2.6785/lordag/1.5773152--kvalitetstid-ar-mitt-varsta-ord-?fb_action_ids=10201389666438499&fb_action_types=og.recommends&fb_source=other_multiline&action_object_map=%7B%2210201389666438499%22%3A436440569781001%7D&action_type_map=%7B%2210201389666438499%22%3A%22og.recommends%22%7D&action_ref_map=%5B%5D

Heres an older blog I wrote on the same topic.
http://amerisvenska.blogspot.se/2013/02/is-it-really-better-this-way-day-care.html

Drop in Baptism?

Does this ring any alarm bells in your head?  Anyone can come and get baptized.  Free priest, music, and coffee afterwards. 

 What about Matthew 7 that says you should know a person by their fruit.  How is that priest able to verify someone's belief that they are planning to take pastoral responsibility for in baptism?

Way to go, Ullared

Generally speaking, I like Gekås, Ullared.  It's like a huge super walmart in Sweden, really one of it's kind. 

But a while ago they published this picture of a shirt that they are selling.  What is this supposed to mean??

Was it some Chinese factory that accidentally mixed and matched some words and symbols, and do the Swedes buying it even think about any symbolism in this shirt?

Ramadan hardships in Sweden...

The theoretical problem becomes reality in Sweden this year...

Ramadan has just begun, but for Muslims in the northern-most part of Sweden, they will have days where the sun never sets, and days where it just sets for a matter of minutes.

Try replenishing your food and water supply in 15 minutes per 24 hours, and see if that is sustainable for a month long period....(with the idea that you should work full time/as normal).

It does bring up the question, how could an all knowing Allah not have known about this possibility when he put the requirement for fasting sunrise to sunset in place?

Read more in the article below...

http://www.thelocal.se/49004/20130711/

Fladerblomsaft...Elderflower cordial!

Elderflower Cordial time (Dags för Flädersaft)

Who knew that these white flowers that look a lot like queens anne's lace would be the key to a delicious refreshing Swedish drink?  

Daniel's brother Jonas showed me a big Elderflower bush near their house and we got a good "crop"...

 

 Step two, throw in some lemons, sugar, citric acid, and top in water (different recipes call for cool or boiling water...).

Stir once a day for 3-5 days, sieve it out, and there you go! Come visit us and try some...

Swedish uniformity

I will start by saying that I went last week and bought myself a pair of converse shoes. I would have never worn them in USA, but they just feel right in Sweden.  And now I see why.

This article from the local talks about how a lot of Swedes like to dress the same.

http://www.thelocal.se/48704/20130626/

It definitely starts to wear off after a while. The important thing is to see a difference between cultural adaptation without moral sacrificing of what is RIGHT and GOOD.

BUT, although it may seem trendy and thus easy to fit in, it is also painfully drab in it's lack of personality after a while.

And the whole trying to be unisex thing in Sweden will have to be saved for another time...

drinking in Sweden

Tomorrow is Midsummer here, and as I passed the systembolaget (government liquor store), the lines were very long and their easily distinguished plastic bags were everywhere.



Here is a fantastic article (in Swedish) about drinking in Sweden, especially around holidays.

http://www.dn.se/kultur-noje/kulturdebatt/den-falska-lyckan-pa-flaska/

And a summary of the article from my point of view...

1.  Spirit/liquour is a part of the Swedish heritage and "value system."
2. Did you know there is a spirit/liqour museum, where you can even get a taste box of schnapps to "improve the experience"
3. "Spirit/liquor is portrayed strongly in the media as cool, glamorous, sophisticated, romantic, etc.
4. The author speaks of some teetotaling friends, who have a hard time meeting someone, because they can't calm their nerves and dumb down their feelings without alcohol, and need to have real courage and understanding of their emotions.  This paragraph was pretty telling...
5. 8 of 10 assaults, the attacker is drunk, and in 45% of every deadly violence, there is alcohol in the picture...alcohol should be taken seriously.

The last paragraph in the article is best...go read it. 

Swedish Gevalia beats Starbucks!

See the link below...apparently Gevalia beat Starbucks in an American taste test.

Sure, of course the Swedish made Gevalia brand is going to beat Starbucks....Sweden is consistently in the top ten for coffee consumption worldwide, and they like their coffee STRONG and good.

I will never forget when my in-laws came to the states for the first time ever (for our wedding), and compared American coffee to dirty water. Ha!



http://www.thelocal.se/47056/20130330/#.UViZNpPIak0

påskkärring, child witches for easter?

Ready for Easter?  Don't forget to get out your witches brooms and tell your kids to dress up as easter hags/witches.  

Let's quit "doing the cultural thing" and start thinking about this a bit.

Swedes are dressing up their kids as witches on a day when we should be thinking about Jesus death on the cross.

And then posting their pictures and proudly going around all dressed up.  "My kid is a cuter hag than your kid!"

And at our local government sponsored playgroup, påskkärring was discussed and pictures of it put up on the walls, while any word about what Easter IS as a traditional holiday was completely silent.

Not only are Swedes trying to downplay and cute-ify wickedness and evil, but they are also creating a culture that is ignorant of truly deep things that should be pondered...why would Jesus die on the cross, what was the purpose of it, etc.

Those are things worth thinking about...


Here's an article in English from the Swedish newspaper The Local: http://www.thelocal.se/3525/20110421/#.UVYJyhxLOk0

"Children dressed as witches give a clear indication that Swedish Påsk origins predate Christianity. Folklore alleges that witches flew off on broomsticks to dance with the devil at Blåkulla. "

" modern Swedish children dress up as påskkärringar (Easter hags) paint their faces, carry a broom and knock on neighbor’s doors for treats, much like American children do at Halloween."

the kid is the king of the house?

Here is a great article (although I often think Aftonbladet prints a lot of junk), about kids in Swedish society. 

Among other things, it points out:

1. Those parents who both work and then spoil their kids by "buying" their love with the few hours they do have together....ok kid, you point, I buy it. 

2.  In the past perhaps parents were seen as being too authoritarian and strict, but now the opposite is often true. 

3.  Kids who have everything given to them without any jobs or duties can grow up to have a poor sense of duty to family and society. 

4.  In general, this guys says that kids who are overspoiled have a hard time being satisfied, and will possibly have difficutly relating to others properly when they grow up. 

http://www.aftonbladet.se/debatt/debattamnen/familj/article15097626.ab

Swedes kind of shoot themselves in the leg as they are not legally allowed to physically discipline their kids, and therefore often don't know or are scared to pursue alternative discipline (like positive reinforcement, time out, removal of toys, etc)

Without any discipline, kids can really hurt themselves, and I have seen that several times. An example that our daughter often remembers is two girls who were running wild inside the metro (spårvagn), totally ignoring their mother's pleas to sit down, and then fell and really hurt themselves when it stopped to pick up passengers. 

Recognize this girl from Willy Wonka?  She got everything she wanted, yet had a hard time making friends, being satisfied with life, and was not so fun to be around. 


I don't like to criticize something without giving some alternative solutions, so here we go.  Keep in mind that when used improperly, any discipline (or lack of discipline) can be harmful.

Healthy alternatives to spanking and how it looks in reality:
1.  If the kid is old enough, explaining the natural consequences is often powerful. 
Calmly remove the kid from the danger, in this example a heavy box they were trying to pull off the table.  Explain that if they want it, please ask for mom/dad's help, because if they keep pulling it then it could fall on them, and then that would hurt! It might have made them cry and even need a bandaid.  Isn't it better for mom/dad to help and then they can avoid getting hurt....

2. Kids often are disobedient due to boredom. Think up something to do, even if it means telling them a story while waiting in the grocery line or playing simon says, or otherwise totally distracting them. 
Our daughter got bored of waiting for the lunch as I was getting it ready. I notice her getting sillier and more rebellious, poking the little brother, kicking toys,etc.  By jumping in with distraction (or especially asking her help in preparing lunch), I have destroyed her boredom and put her energy to use for something better. 

3.  Explaining clearly what is coming and what is expected, and following through. 
Often our kids can get upset when we do something without prior warning.  I often step back and give them a grace period before the next thing.  This means, if my daughter is playing with her toys, and we need to go somewhere, I still let her play for one minute, and use that one minute for her to process that we are soon going out. 

4. Time outs are very valuable. 1 minute per year of how old the kid is (4 year old sits 4 minutes, 2 year old sits 2 minutes).  (also known as Supernanny method)
Child is disobedient.  If she knows she is breaking the rules, this means immediate time out. They sit on a chair with a timer set for 3 minutes.  This can be really hard at first to implement, but kids really learn quick when they have to sit and miss out on the fun for a minute or two.  Finish by asking for them to say sorry, and lovingly forgiving them, saying you love them, and giving them a big hug. 

5.  Show disappointment. 
Show how their behavior makes mom/dad, friends, siblings sad and even point out when what they do makes someone cry so they understand what they have done. Forgiveness and love should also be very active here, as well as the golden rule (would you like it if your little brother had hit you like that?, don't do it to him if you wouldn't want to recieve that same treatment). 

6.  Removal of privileges.  
Many things kids have and do are privileges and not rights. Of course sleep, warm clothes, food, love, those are rights. Extra time at the playground, lots of toys, outings, candy, those are privileges.  If a child is disobedient, then offer two options.  If you want to continue disobeying, then i will remove your book/doll/(current favorite toy) until tomorrow. Or in the opposite sense, "if you are a very good girl while we are at the store, then we can go by the playground on the way home." Be sure to be consistent.  Kids REALLY notice when you threaten and don't follow through. 

A friend of mine told of a time when she had a little blow up swimming pool for her kids in the backyard.  It was finally a warm sunny day, and she blew up the pool, filled it up, got the kids ready, and they were excited!!  One of the girls started being disobedient, and the mom said, if you continue being disobedient (i.e.  pulling your sisters hair), I will not allow you to swim in the pool.  She continued pulling her sisters hair, and was very sad to have to sit and watch as her sister played alone in the pool.  She lost her swim privileges one day, but was VERY careful to be obedient and know that mom means business when she says that disobedience will have it's punishment. 

(more tips according to http://nymetroparents.com/article/Eight-Alternatives-to-Slapping-or-Spanking-Children)

1. Prevention

Probably the most effective alternative to hitting a child is prevention. By creating a "child proof" environment, where things are out of reach, children are less likely to get into trouble

2. Show Disappointment 

Let the child know that you are disappointed in his or her behavior. Explain what your expectations are. Make sure he or she understands right from wrong and what the rules are. Explain the consequences if the inappropriate behavior continues.

3. Take Away a Privilege 

If a child misbehaves after being warned, a privilege such as watching television or playing on the computer can be taken away or restricted. Other privileges include playing with a certain toy. Never withhold food.

4. Give a "Time Out" 

Sending a child to his or her room is not an appropriate "Time-Out." Instead, select an area that is isolated from others, such as a certain chair in the corner of a room or hallway. Make sure the child knows why he or she is being given a "Time Out" and how long it will last.

5. Catch Them Being Good

Whenever a child does something good (helps set the table, brush teeth, speaks politely, etc.) be sure to react with praise and other forms of acceptance of those behaviors.  The more parents respond positively, the less likely children are to misbehave.

6. Create a Contract (especially with teenagers)

Write down what you want your teen to do (clean up his/her room, etc.) and indicate what you will do in exchange (stop talking about his friends that you don't like, etc.).  Be specific in indicating what you want to see and what you will or will not do.  Sign the contract.

7. Be Empathetic 

In words and actions, show your children that you understand the difficulties they are facing (other kids calling them names, the loss of a pet, etc.).  Feeling understood helps children feel good about themselves, and such feelings lessen the times they misbehave.

go to church and get a license to have sex before marriage...only in Sweden?

Imagine this, you send your kids to a confirmation camp through the Swedish church, and they come home with a certificate that says they are now "qualified to have sex."  (despite the fact that some of the kids at the camp were below the age of legally having sex, which is 15.

They even got a little medal.  This really just happened!

Any alarm bells ringing here??

1.  Sweden lets RFSU, the swedish association for sexuality education, have way too much freedom and power, while actively repressing the freedom of people who would give a more conservative approach to youth and pregnancy.

In this case, the priest who should have been sitting in while an RFSU related worker was teaching the kids about "love and sexuality" was told to not be present so as to not make the kids shy to speak and ask questions in this sensitive issue.

In other words, RFSU can teach whatever trash they wanted, successfully removing any religious aspect.

2.  Abstinance, which will always beat condom use in it's percentage of accidental pregnancies, has seemingly fallen off the map. And shouldn't that actually be the Biblical advice to these kids instead?

Here's the top result when i searched on google, what does the bible say about sex before marriage:

"There are numerous Scriptures that declare sex before marriage to be a sin (Acts 15:20;1 Corinthians 5:1;6:13,18;10:8;2 Corinthians 12:21;Galatians 5:19;Ephesians 5:3;Colossians 3:5;1 Thessalonians 4:3;Jude 7). The Bible promotes complete abstinence before marriage. Sex between a husband and his wife is the only form of sexual relations of which God approves (Hebrews 13:4)"


3.  What is this rfsu guy doing teaching at a church confirmation camp anyway?


Swedish: http://www.gp.se/nyheter/sverige/1.1401225-konfirmander-fick-knullborgarmarke-

English: http://www.thelocal.se/46716/20130313/#.UUDxsxxLOk0

gruel, anyone?

Lydia never really got into it, but Markus is a gruel-man!  Välling, or in English, "gruel," is a thick gloopy cereal milk drink that kids here love.

As an American it feels kind of strange for me to be feeding my kid this stuff, but man, it really can fill him up and knock him off to sleep pronto.

Here's what some others have to say about the stuff:

http://www.swedishamericanmamma.com/2010/04/what-is-valling.html

http://survivinglifeinsweden.blogspot.se/2010/12/parental-tip-there-will-be-valling.html

and to end with some funny quotes from these bloggers, "so what is välling, and why is it the liquid of the vikings?"   "välling, like crack for toddlers."

ps, välling is also available in stores for adults to drink too...anyone in the mood for a thick gloopy after dinner drink? 

spring is coming, right?

Have you been following the swedish schedule and sowing your seeds to optimalize the relatively short warm season here? 

Already planted so far is: 

Mint, Parsley, Dill, Coriander, Basil, Sweetpea, and Cosmos

soon to come: 

sunflowers (worth a try again), salad, some daisy looking flowers, and a couple more herbs. 

 I need to get these sweet pea plants out before they wind their way around our living room!

 Cosmos

 And it wouldn't be complete without some IKEA diy seed starters...

And whether they prosper or not, this whole gardening project is good for a daily reminder that winter is basically OVER!

Is it really better this way? Day care vs. stay at home moms

I have written before on this topic, but several recent articles drive me to re-emphasize my point.

Let's take it story by story...

http://www.gp.se/nyheter/debatt/1.583949-en-familjepolitik-som-gor-barnen-psykiskt-sjuka?ref=fb

"The first generation born under the new conditions in Sweden has been at the preschool from the age of one year, and during his first six years spent most of his waking life with preschool staff."

Although they give it as a result of evolution, this article from Göteborgsposten allows for a complementarian view of men and women.  In other words, men and women are not identical and women are especially better fit to take care of children, especially in their earlier years.

In Sweden, parents are penalized for having their children at home, and while they could send their children for free for a limited amount of day care, they recieve little or no benefits at all for keeping them at home.

http://www.svd.se/opinion/ledarsidan/staten-ska-lasa-sagor-for-barnen_7904478.svd

Sweden is playing a game that Socrates wrote about for many hundreds of  years ago.  Let the state control the children, and you strengthen the state.  The state knows better than the parents, etc.

Get people to believe that this is not the state pushing to have more control, but something the parents themselves want. Socrates believed that within the second or third generation people would be brainwashed enough to hand their kids over blindly.

And now the Social Democrats want to have obligatory day care for our kids, starting at infancy.  The question is, how brainwashed are Swedes in this matter?

http://www.helagotland.se/ledare/artikel.aspx?articleid=8309420

This article says something along the lines of, it is for everyone's best to put your kids into daycare as soon as possible, because, among other things, this will help your kids become better students in the future.  Unfortunately, according to this article, the facts do not back up that statement.

Ultimately...

God gave us a beautiful gift as parents, to raise our children, teach them of the Lord, teach them how to be a better person and love them abundantly.  A day care with one teacher to a couple of students who are not her own children will have a very very hard time competing with a mother who loves and wants her children's best.

Proverbs 22:6  Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it
.
Deuteronomy 4:9  “Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children’s childre

Psalm 127:3  Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.